One Month to Live

To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die.  What would you do if you were given one month to live? 

My Grammy recently passed away from an aggressive sarcoma that metastasized very quickly to her lungs.  She had been healthy her entire life with pristine living habits.  In fact, she recently had made a trip to Texas for my brother’s wedding in February, 100% healthy.  She danced the night away on the ballroom floor, the belle of the ball.  She was given that same sentence one month ago.   And what did she choose?  Her only wish was to remain at my aunt’s home in Florida surrounded by those she loved and taken care of until her last breath.  My aunts and uncles and daddy are saints.  I will forever admire and be grateful to them for making her wishes come true as hard as it was on them.  They all helped to make this happen and keep her as comfortable as possible.  I can hardly comprehend the daily emotional toll on each of them.   I asked to take emergency time off work to go visit her a few weeks ago.  She also wished that people would come to spend time with her during her last few weeks vs. at a funeral.  The 48 hours I spent at my aunt’s house holding her hand, sitting next to her on the couch, and listening to her tell me stories were a blur.  She was a navy nurse and had met my granddad, a colonel, years before.  I loved hearing old war-time stories and stories of my misbehaved dad and aunts and uncles when they were young.  As she really didn’t have energy for much of anything, we had an at-home pedicure spa afternoon where I painted our toenails matching Florida gator colors.  She had a voice of an angel.  That night my cousin’s boyfriend played his guitar and we sang Moon River.  I’ll never forget that special night and that memory.   I also won’t forget having to wake up at 3am to leave the house to drive myself in a rental car back to the Jacksonville airport.  I remember going into her room, holding her hand, hugging her, sobbing, telling her how much I loved her…for the last time.  It’s like I couldn’t say it enough.  My mom’s mother had died back in 1999 in the same way…flying into Florida, saying goodbye, and leaving.  It’s so hard to say goodbye for the last time.  How do you do it?  What questions have you forgotten to ask?  What things have you forgotten to say?  And her, as selfless as can be, apologized to me for making the family go through this.  I cried the entire way to the Jacksonville airport from Gainesville at 3am.

Two weeks later it was my birthday.  I called my Grammy to say hello.  With as much breath as she could muster, she sang a happy birthday song to me for the last time.  It was the last day she spoke.  She slipped into unconsciousness shortly thereafter to remain in a coma state for the next 48 hours.  Her last night, I called my aunt to ask her to hold up the telephone to my Grammy’s ear.  I just wanted to say it one more time.  I love you. 

My aunts and uncles held her hand that night.  She passed away with shallower and shallower breaths that next morning.  She passed peacefully, but it doesn’t make the sense of loss any easier for anyone.  I cannot even imagine how much my dad’s, aunts’, uncles’, cousins’, and everyone whose life she touched hearts’ hurt.  There is a hole left behind.  Love is patient.  Love is kind.  My Grammy embodied selfless love with a heart full of kindness.  We all learned so much from her during this last month and her entire life.  I hope to live a life of selfless kindness and love.  I like to think she, my two grandads, my other grandmother, my brother, my cousin, and the rest of our family members and pets are watching over us as our guardian angels.  Treasured in my heart you’ll stay, until we meet again someday.  To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die.   

Her obituary was listed in the newspaper yesterday as follows:   

KING, RUTH ANN, 87

Gainesville - Ruth Ann King of Gainesville, FL died peacefully at her daughter's home surrounded by her loving family on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013. Ruth was born in 1926 in Pittsburgh, PA to Michael and Veronica Wasecko Repasky. She graduated from Mercy Hospital School of Nursing as an RN. She entered the US Navy Nurse Corps at age 21 and served as an Ensign Navy Nurse for three years, during which time she met her husband Howard in a military hospital.  After moving to Gainesville in 1960 with her husband and four children, Ruth returned to nursing in 1968 at the UF Shands Teaching Hospital as an RN in OB/GYN until retirement in 1978.  She was preceded in death by her husband of 54 years, Col. Howard E. King, her parents, five siblings, and two grandsons, Brett King and Derek Benicewicz. She is survived by six siblings, her children Charles (Cyndi) King of Arlington, TX, John (Candice) King of Gainesville, FL, Drs. Pamela (Brian) Benicewicz of Columbia, SC, and Patricia (James) Smith of Gainesville, FL. Ruth is additionally survived by nine grandchildren: Matthew (Karen) Lehnen, Brittany King, D.V.M., Christina King, Brandt (Amanda) King, Kathryn King, Daniel Lehnen, Leigh Ann Benicewicz, Ashlyn King, and Trevor King; and two great grandchildren, Connor and Owen Lehnen.  Ruth had a passion for gardening, singing, and reading. Ruth was one of those rare individuals who provided unconditional love, a smile and always a kind word. Previous activities she enjoyed in Gainesville were the Gainesville Women's Club and the Gainesville Choral Group.  In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the ACORN Medical and Dental Clinic: acornclinic.org, or E.T. York Hospice Center.